Why I Chose to do Chemotherapy

So here's the deal. I'm not going to cite all the research. I'll only give you my statistics for a cure rate of my particular cancer. The thing is, decisions about treatment come down to feelings. After you've done all the research, spoken with multiple healing practitioners (conventional and alternative), read many books -- all those head-related things -- your decision comes down to your heart and what feels right for you. You meditate, pray, consult with the trees, the angels. You ask the universe for a sign (and get it). You sleep on it. Then you make a choice and move forward. Of course if you're like me, you revisit your decision and question again. And again. Especially when it feels like you're dying inside and everything feels all wrong about doing chemotherapy. 

"Big medicine." This is how I describe chemotherapy to my two-year-old son. 

After my mastectomy and axillary lymph node dissection, I was given a 50% chance of recurrence had I done no further conventional treatment. With hormone therapy and chemotherapy, that figure dropped to 20%. In other words, I now have an 80% chance of never having cancer again. 

Chemotherapy was one of my hugest fears related to having cancer. It is the one thing I wanted to avoid (probably why I needed to face it!). It goes so far against how I want to treat my body. It is the ugly thing that shows the world that I have cancer and am ill (Crazy! I am not sick!). But I chose to include chemotherapy in my healing treatment menagerie because I want to do everything I can to prevent recurrence. It is not the only treatment I am using, however, to create a healthy, whole me. It may have the biggest teeth, but I firmly believe that for my cancer, it is the combination of conventional and alternative traditional medicine that is the most powerful. 

How do you feel about chemotherapy? Did you know that Taxol (one of the three chemotherapy drugs I have taken) comes from the Pacific Northwest Yew tree bark?

Future Wings

I just have to think that -- along with everything in life -- there are multiple facets to this cancer thing. It isn't just a physical dis-ease. There are soul and spiritual elements which present an undeniable call for growth and transformation. Is breast cancer a spiritual journey? Is any dis-ease or illness a potential awakening? 

I discovered a lump and was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma on Good Friday, 2013. I had surgery on May 16, 2013. Left mastectomy. I began chemotherapy on July 5, 2013. Adriamycin, Cytoxan, Taxol. This is a blog about my experiences, treatments, thoughts, feelings, decisions... as I walk through the fire. 

Business as Usual

As part of our Business Math block, Arriana created a small business project. This project illustrates in a practical and real-world way many of the concepts we studied in this block: the usefulness of money, division of labor, percents, pricing, and more.

Since there's an annual Children's Craft Fair at our local Boys and Girls Club, and the timing was perfect, we decided to participate. All items are handmade completely by the children, who run their own table and transactions.

Arriana made most of the decisions about her business on her own. She knew right away, for example, that she wanted to make photo cards. She also wanted to make cookies, and we talked about how her customers could buy her cards as gifts for someone, and buy her cookies to enjoy during the Fair. It was a winning combination. Over Thanksgiving, Arriana learned how to make pom-poms, and then added some to her inventory. She also threw in at the last minute some bundles of dried sage.

Arriana determined her own pricing, including calculating her costs per item and considering her customers. She came up with $2.00 per card, and 3 cards for $5.00 (actually, I think her Dad came up with that last deal). Her pom-poms were a steal at $1.00. They are super labor intensive! Cookies were $0.50. Sage sticks were $1.00.

Handmade signs, twinkle lights, and a festive table cloth rounded out Arriana's table display. Sales were brisk on Fair day! Arriana did quite well, selling out of both pom-poms and sage sticks. She also fared well with her main product: the photo cards. They were a hit, and though she didn't sell out, she did make quite a good return. After all expenses were considered, Arriana earned over $40.00. She also had such a good time and wants to participate again next year!

A Roman Journey

It was a battle of sorts. Of course it was, it being Rome.

Having just completed a four-week expedition into Roman history, I can assuredly say it was at times a battle. For me, there were several elements that contributed to this mood. First, I did not have a solid background in Roman history. I had to fight to learn, to get a grasp on the timeline of major events from the founding of Rome to Julius Caesar. I was unable to get a big picture ahead of time. Instead, I was lucky to stay one step ahead of my student.

Second, my daughter and I both share a relative disinterest in stories of war, conquer, and all that is in between. In my research, I tired of the tedious chronicles of legions, Kings and Consuls. I had to dig for the gems that she could relate to. Stories of the feminine: Vestal Virgins, drunken muses, stoic mothers.

Third, I encountered the warrior in my 12 year-old daughter. And she can be tough, argumentative, infuriating. Pushing pushing pushing for justice. Where is the law? Am I a worthy Consul?

At points all along the way, despite these challenges, we did encounter experiences of true learning, interest and wonder. Some of the Highlights of our Roman studies include:

• Reading The Aeneid.

• Painting the myth of Romulus and Remus.

• Writing an essay on King Numa Pompilius.

• Following the larger-than-life Hannibal.

• Studying Patricians and the oppressed Plebians. And those who fought for justice.

• Inscribing "O Roma Nobilis" onto a wax tablet.

Looking ahead to our future Rome block, I feel confident that I will be more prepared. I have a better sense now of the Roman mood, culture, and events, and will be able to settle us into a rhythm much more quickly. The battles of the past four weeks have surely made me wiser. And in the end, truth be told, everybody won.

The Awe-Inspiring Aeneid

One of the most wonderful things about being a teacher is not knowing. Having to go through the process of learning (or re-learning), discovering and awakening interest in a subject creates a magic called enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the single most loving gift a teacher can impart on her students.

I'll be totally honest. Although I had a good public school education, and a decent university education (complete with honors humanities, psychology and business courses), I really don't know much. I got good grades and did my school work well. But I don't really know anything. I'm the worst trivial pursuit player ever. Knowing stuff is just not my gig. I can, however, learn pretty well.

Now I'm pretty certain that in the aforementioned humanities course, among the 100+ books we read over two years, was Virgil's The Aeneid. But when I checked it out from our local library last week, it was as though I was seeing it for the first time. I learned a few things about this epic (in every sense of the word) poem that really inspired me as I prepared to share it with my 6th grade daughter.

We are embarking on the study of Ancient Rome over the course of 3-4 weeks. My task as history teacher is to give a picture of the true essence of the time. I'm not trying to fill my daughter's brain with facts. I want her to be able to see the people, to smell the land, to taste their foods, to conceive of their honor of law, their lust for battle. We will study individuals whose characters help shape her growing sense of an ancient people. A people with whom we are vastly connected in our modern existence.

The Aeneid is an ancient text. Just touching the pages of a translated copy of the work connects me to Virgil himself. He was a tall, dark-skinned man, who spoke very slowly. I can imagine him reading to Augustus and Octavia 2,000 years ago.

The Aeneid was studied by Romans and by Medieval students. People for centuries were educated on this amazing poem which documents the travails of Aeneas, the Trojan who escaped Troy. He was intercepted over and over by Juno, who did not want him to find a new homeland. But the gods knew his fate was to ultimately lay his roots in what would be known forever as Rome.

The Aeneid was so revered that it was considered an oracle. People used to open the book to a random passage and read it to know what lay in their future.

I have chosen to read books two and six aloud to my daughter. It's a beautiful thing to take the time to read this work out loud. The words flow sweetly, rhythmically, and make me wonder what it would be like to learn Latin and read the original work. Thank god for a lovely translation!

And now, I'm off to research Dactylic hexameter....

In the Kitchen on Poppy Mountain

Are you a recipe lover? Here's a wrap-up of eight of our most popular kid-made snacks this summer. Consider adding them to your repertoire for school lunches!

Seed Crackers

Super seed crackers

Curry Balsamic Roasted Chickpeas

White Bean and Cherry Tomato Salad

Making bean salad

Quinoa Fruit Salad

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadilla

Quesadillas in the solar oven

Crispy Kale

Dandelion Pesto

Dandelion Pesto

Breakfast Cookie:

Ingredients: 1.5 cups of rolled oats, 2-3 super ripe bananas, 1 cup of unsweetened applesauce, 2T ground flax seed, a handful of raisins (or other dried fruit), Cinnamon to taste. Just throw everything together in a bowl, mix it up pretty well. Drop spoonfuls onto a baking sheet at 350 for about 35 minutes.

Breakfast cookies with turkey bacon

Highlights from Poppy Mountain Summer Enrichment

Weaving suns at the Solstice

Sweet discovery on the first day

Sidewalk painting

Summer Solstice

Solar oven quesadillas

Wet felting and needle felting

Creek fun!

Pastel drawing of Scorpion

Happy Gnomes :-)

Painting with plants

Snake hunter

Beautiful blackberries

Lovely creek time

Catching dreams

Watercolor: Luna and Sage

Baking bread in terra cotta pots

Basket weaving

Luna with Golden Acorn